capable

i could just avoid it, like i usually do. 

examining all these options & opportunities with the grand question: 

am i even capable?

would i recognize if it develops slowly?

would i feel if it hits abruptly?

& what about the ‘badass’ pact i made with myself to never let anyone hurt me like that again.

so, i’ll never let anyone in again?

but for some reason, i skimmed through the book you suggested, listened to the podcast you mentioned & your taste in music gives me the impression you even mean the sincere words you say. 

as you hinted that I could still run from someone like you, i wanted to reach out with every part of me open. because somehow your personal defenses have disarmed all of mine.

when i need it most, your generous character sits with me as a reassuring reminder to be still. to safely look back at merely a memory of what deceit is, a far-off place; nowhere near me or you.

i bet you're braver than you think you are. 

& i can tell you know i’m actually capable & even strong enough for the both of us too. but you’ll never expect me to be.

neither one of us ahead of the other, in our favorite spot, together. moving at the same pace hand in hand.

i could just avoid it, like i usually do.

but i think we may accidentally ‘fall’ in love.

yet, consciously stand right back up, with certainty. 

because we’ll choose each other entirely on purpose.